You Have to Love Them They're Family
by elin2002
Summary: <html><head></head>Just a bunch of one shots based off of things I saw on  so prepare to laugh...</html>
1. I don't take orders!

_**(I don't own Hair, Rent, or crazythingsparentstext .com, that being said do not sue me you won't get anything and also this all takes place before cell phones so it's going to happen in voice or on the answering machines, yeah you have been warned!)**_

Jeanie was supposed to be at Crissy's house in an hour, she had made a cake to bring along for girls' night. She specifically left a note on it saying _'DON'T EAT ME!'_ it was there when she left for work that morning and it had been there when she came home for lunch. Now just as she's walking out the door and getting ready to take it with her she found a note on it saying _'I DON'T TAKE ORDERS FROM CAKE!'_. She knew she should be mad but with the response she got back she could do nothing but laugh. The men in her life were responsible that much she knew, but the note left no clue as to which one it was.

"Berger!"

"What!"

"Did you eat the cake I made last night?"

"Nope!"

"That leaves one." Jeanie marched over to the phone and picked it up she dialed her son's phone number.

"SPPPPEEEEEEAAAAAKKKKK!"

"ROGER CLAUDE DAVIS! YOU ANSWER THE PHONE RIGHT NOW!"

"Hi Mom, what's up?"

"Hi Mom? Roger did you come over today?"

"Yes, I came over to talk to Berger earlier today why?"

"Did you have lunch?"

"I made a sandwich, was that bad?" Asked Roger confused.

"That you made a sandwich no, that you ate the cake I was going to take to your Aunt Crissy's YES!"

"Mom, I didn't see a cake."

"Roger, it was right in the fridge."

"I didn't go in the fridge."

"Then how did you get the bread?"

"Berger already had it out."

"Roger…Claude…Davis…do…not…lie…to…me." Said Jeanie in her best mom voice.

"Okay, the truth is it was a little dry." The next thing Jeanie knew she heard dial tone and Berger laughing in his room.

"I'm leaving! There better be something here to replace the cake I spent 3 hours on when I get back!"

5 hours later Jeanie returned to the apartment and opened the fridge to find a plate of brownies in the fridge with a note.

"_I SPENT 3 HOURS BAKING THESE BROWNIES AND ROLLING THE JOINT! ENJOY!"_

Sometimes she hated the men in her life…


	2. Shake Weight to Sex

_**(I don't own Hair, Rent, or crazythingsparentstext .com, that being said do not sue me you won't get anything and also this sometimes takes place before cell phones so it's going to happen in voice or on the answering machines, yeah you have been warned!)**_

**(This takes place in present time. Roger is 43, Jeanie and Berger are 61)**

Roger was sitting in the loft playing with his guitar as usual when his mother called to talk to him about something totally unimportant.

"SSSPPPEEEAAAKKK!"

"Rog, it's Mom pick up."

"Hi Mom, what's up?"

"Nothing just thought I would call and say hi and see how you were."

"I'm good just hanging I worked earlier so now my ass is sitting on the couch. What are you doing all I hear is rattling in the background."

"I'm using that new shake weight thing Berger got me for Christmas, it feels like I'm jerking off an elephant."

"What? Do you do that often?" Asked Roger with a laugh.

"No, the last person I jerked off was comatose."

"Aww, jeeze Mom way too much information."

"Oh stop it was a patient, I haven't jerked Berger off in years."

"MOM! I don't want to hear this."

"I did not raise you as a prude." Said Jeanie with a laugh.

"No, but you guys don't usually tell me about your sex lives."

"Hey! It's because of my active sex life you are on this planet."

"No I'm on this planet cause you tripped one night and let some random guy screw you." Said Roger with a laugh.

"He wasn't random. I knew him." Said Jeanie.

"Knowing his aura doesn't count Mom, you knew him for 20 minutes."

"How do you know, you weren't there."

"I think his sperm and your egg beg to differ."

"How did this go from the shake weight making noise to my sex life?"

"One of life's mysteries."


	3. No Laughing Matter

_**(I don't own Hair, Rent, or crazythingsparentstext .com, that being said do not sue me you won't get anything and also this sometimes takes place before cell phones so it's going to happen in voice or on the answering machines, yeah you have been warned!)**_

Jeanie and Sheila were in the living room talking about random topics like they always did when Berger and John were away from them. There were no boys and no kids around so they felt free to talk about things they could only talk about in the presence of each other or any of the other women in their Tribe. Everyone was coming over for dinner later in the day so they sent Berger and Sheila's husband John to the store to get some more supplies. The conversation ranged from what everyone was up to, to the now topic their sex lives.

"I can't believe the stuff we used to do." Said Sheila.

"You can't, I sure can. I have walking living proof of what we did." Said Jeanie with a laugh.

"I'm telling you I still haven't told John about everything."

"You mean you haven't told him you had threesomes in the park with Claude and Berger?"

"Oh no he knows about that, what he doesn't know is that many nights there were more than the 3 of us."

"Oh well the memories we have of those times have gotten me through the fact I haven't had sex in 3 years. My vagina should be a historical monument." Said Jeanie.

"I'll call next time." Jeanie and Sheila looked at each other and then burst out laughing at the fact that Jeanie's 19 year old son had just walked in the door.

"Roger! Wait! Honey come back inside."

"No I'm good, hi Aunt Sheila."

"Hi Rog."

"Honey we'll stop I promise, just come inside."

"Promise no more you guys talking about sex."

"I promise. Now what are you doing here so early?"

"I thought you guys might need some help setting up or something I didn't realize that I would be walking in on your guys' girl talk."

"Well there's not much to do but John and Berger should be back soon."

"Okay I'll stay but please no more talk like that?"

"Since when are you a prude?"

"Since you declared yourself a historical monument."

"Come inside." Roger followed his mother inside and hugged Sheila hello.

"So Rog, when are we going to meet whoever you're banging?" Asked Sheila.

"I'll be in my room." He said as Sheila and Jeanie cracked up again.


	4. Do You Grow in the Dark?

_**(I don't own Hair, Rent, or crazythingsparentstext .com, that being said do not sue me you won't get anything and also this sometimes takes place before cell phones so it's going to happen in voice or on the answering machines, yeah you have been warned!)**_

Berger was getting the laundry together to take down to the laundry mat, and decided to check Roger's room for dirty clothes. As he was going through the room he picked up a pair of jeans and a glow in the dark condom fell out. Sometimes this kid just made it too easy for him to pick on. He heard the front door open and saw his 17 year old nephew come in.

"So I was getting the clothes for the laundry and this fell out of your jeans." Not opening his hand.

"I can explain that, I was just holding it for someone, you can smoke it if you want and I will learn my lesson."

"No that's not what I found, wait you have pot in there and you didn't share?"

"Um, sorry? What are you talking about?"

"I found a glow in the dark condom in your room."

"Oh that."

"Yeah that, why do you have it."

"I thought it would be cool." Said Roger.

"Or you realized if you turned off the lights she wouldn't have to look at your ugly mug, what are you going to do Kid, get her glow in the dark stars for her chest, so you know where you're going." Said Berger with a smile letting Roger know he was joking.

"I don't know I didn't think that far ahead. I just bought it yesterday."

"Have fun and remember to use it, your mom and I are too young to be grandparents."

"I still remember the army talk, trust me not happening."

"Keep it that way."


	5. Did Someone Say Special?

_**(I don't own Hair, Rent, or crazythingsparentstext .com, that being said do not sue me you won't get anything and also this sometimes takes place before cell phones so it's going to happen in voice or on the answering machines, yeah you have been warned!)**_

Roger arrived home from work happy, he knew this was the day his mom would be sending him her special cookies, every couple weeks Jeanie had to bake something for the pot luck lunch she had at work. She always made sure to make extra for him and his uncle. He rushed up the 5 flights of stairs to his loft in anticipation of the baked goods. But when he got there he was disappointed.

"Hey man, how was work?" Asked Collins from the couch.

"Good." And then he saw the empty container on the metal table.

"Where are my cookies?"

"What cookies?" Asked Mark.

"The ones my mom made for me. The ones she only makes once a month?"

"Sorry?" Said Collins.

"Whatever, I'll be in my room."

Roger went into his room and dialed his mom's number.

"Hello?"

"Mom? Do you have anymore cookies?"

"I just dropped off a whole container, you already ate them all?"

"Mom, I didn't even get one."

"What do you mean?"

"My stupid roommates ate them all!"

"I'll make you another container, but they're going to be special cookies."

"Mom! Don't make special cookies."

"Honey, not with pot, ex-lax don't eat them."

"I love you Mom."

"I love you too."

(The next day)

"Rog! I really hate you!" Yelled Collins heading for the bathroom for the 10th time that day.

"That'll teach you to eat my special cookies!"


End file.
